How to Choose your Tribe: non-main-stream advice for Productivity and Happiness

The popular self-help narrative is that you should cut off all toxicity from your life which includes all toxic people that are in your life. It then follows that you should make friends that will boost your career and open up opportunities for you. This is good advice, but it’s not the whole picture.

Something self-help does not bring up is that you should have a group of tight-knit friends in which you have a sense of comradery.

You cannot go through life alone. You literally just can’t.

Does this mean that you should hold onto shitty friends just to not be alone? No. It’s still better to be alone than to have shitty friends. It’s just imperative that you seek new ones to replace them right away.

Having a tribe will:

  • boost your self-esteem
  • fulfill our human need for connection
  • give you a relaxed and light vibe
  • make you quick off the tongue
  • make getting into flow easier
  • nurture you back to life, especially when feeling down

Maybe you had an amazing family life growing up. Maybe you had a shitty family life growing up. Maybe you were raised in a single-parent home. Regardless, when it’s time for the baby bird to leave its mother’s nest, the wise bird will begin to build its own nest right away.

Joe Rogan grew up without a dad. He openly speaks about how this made him truly value friendship, and he has a tight-knit group of friends that he would do anything for. Kevin Hart has a circle that he stays in. There are less than 10 people that he spends 80% of his time with.

These people do not have to all be career-building junkies. They could be the people you grew up with or your roommates in college. The more non-purpose oriented the friendship, the better.

Our self-help culture will tell us that this is toxic and that we should always be hustling, and hustling to surround ourselves with better people as well!

There’s room for both. It’s just important to remember that networking is still working. Hustling, and meeting people while hustling who are also hustling, can often become a fight-or-flight mode, cortisol-producing, stressful activity. Continuous hustle is simply not sustainable without finding time to connect with people that love and accept you.

Our work environments can leave us feeling separated and disconnected at times. There can be stressful work culture. Therefore, to avoid burnout and to keep better workflow, find refuge in your tribe.

The COVID-19 Pandemic has forced us to reconnect with our loved ones. There has been a renewed sense of gratitude and appreciation for the people around us. Maybe it’s time to reconnect with old friends with whom you’ve grown out of touch. Make some damn calls ya cunt!

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